Sympathy Card Etiquette

Sympathy card etiquette involves certain aspects of general conduct we can expect from everyone, no matter what the situation.

• Be polite - Always communicate in a mature and professional manner. Just as you would say, 'please,' 'thank you,' 'excuse me,' and 'you're welcome,' the tone of your writing should reflect these common courtesies.



• Blend these principles with your own personality to create a warm and loving moment for the receiver. Sympathy card etiquette is different in some ways from behavior in the physical presence of others. It isn’t a matter of talking with their mouth full, or chewing gum while you are talking.



• Some people are offended by offhand remarks such as 'no problem,' since it may appear to make light or minimize the value of your own effort. Gratitude expressed genuinely is a hallmark of sympathy card etiquette, giving a thankyou card class and affirming the meaningfulness of the sympathy gesture.






• Be punctual – An initial acknowledgement of sympathy is always appropriate. It may be seen as less sincere if the delay beyond the announcement or public knowledge is too long.



• Avoid poor grammar or slang terms - - Sympathy card etiquette demands keeping your message simple, with correct spelling and sentence shows your grace and compassion.



• Things to avoid – Avoid references to religion or politics except for general offering of prayer unless you are sure the griever shares your religious perspective. Avoid appearing as though you understand. Even though you may have suffered a similar loss, you do NOT understand what any other individual is experiencing.






• Don’t appear intrusive or presumptive- don’t write comments that assume certain responses or emotional states. Stay away from minimizing losses by making light or pointing out the positives that you might see in the situation. Sympathy card etiquette includes careful attention to privacy of the grievers.



• Monitor your tone- write as though you were speaking, as you express positive body language, and cultivate a pleasing voice, your writing will reflect. Sympathy card etiquette involves communicating with respect for the griever and writing courteous messages. Consideration for the survivors and extending basic common courtesies is a sign of compassion and caring.






• Greetings –you should begin your message with an appropriate greeting (Dear _____, Hello, Good morning, good afternoon, etc.) Salutations such as ‘Hi’ may seem too familiar or informal depending on the relationship you have with the recipient.



• Address the receiver by title - you may be making a first impression if you are extending sympathy to the family of someone you knew. People should be called Mr., Mrs., Rev, Dr, or other applicable title unless the person has invited you to call him by first name.



• Parting sentiment – as you close your message, it is again important not to appear flip or familiar. Appropriate parting sentiments in sympathy card etiquette (Deepest sympathy, Warm regards, God’s Grace be With You, Yours Sincerely or Yours Truly etc.) are in order, while offhand casual signoffs are rarely indicated.



• Focus on doing whatever you can to accommodate the feelings and wishes of the grieving survivors. Younger generations have been raised in a culture where communication is very informal.
  
  Often things are put out about themselves that older generations would never have dreamed of sharing with other people. This can lead to inappropriate and potentially intrusive comments, so we must take care to assure that these messages do not find their way into sympathy cards.