Death of a Grandchild

We experienced the death of a grandchild, our sweet little 2½ year old Chandra Dawn, in November of 2002.

The grief of any parents, grandparents and siblings at the death of a child is devastating.

Each family member responds from a different perspective. Each experiences his or her own special form of loss.

As grandparents, we spent time trying to keep contact with our older granddaughter.

She was staying with friends, and frequently we would take her with us and make the trip to Portland to visit Chandra at Doernbecher Children's Hospital.

Her Mom would be there with Chandra for weeks at a time, so we substituted as parents, trying to bridge the gap, and provide family support.

The death of a grandchild is just one of many experiences of grief and loss. In our book, "Growing Beyond Your Loss", we approach the process in simple words with color illustrations. The journey of grief is unique to each situation, but the emotional experiences have much in common.

Grandparents often are left out of the bereavement rituals of the nuclear family, by geographical distance, or because parents are divorced. This only adds to the pain, and creates a more complicated grieving process.

When there is estrangement in the family, grief counseling becomes more important, and a book such as "Growing Beyond Your Loss" is a helpful tool to aid in this process.

Help and support for you and your loved ones

There were times when we were hurt, and I am sure when we hurt feelings. in trying to be involved at just the right level. Siblings also carry a special burden during such a time. In this situation, Chandra's sister was frequently without family close by.

We, as grandparents, felt inadequate to ease the pain and loneliness we knew she must have felt.

We definitely were not prepared to think forward to the death of a grandchild.

We thought , because her death was eventually expected, that when she died in November, it should have been easier to handle.

The death of a grandchild is never easy to live through! It is always life changing and involves a grief experience most of us are ill prepared to handle.

April 18th would have been Chandra's 6th birthday. She left loving parents, step-parents, and grandparents. She left a wonderful big sister who adored her.

Her sister could make Chandra laugh when no one else could. There were many times when her little sister was near death, and fought her way back.

We would breathe a sigh of relief, and renewed hope would arise that this little one might defeat the mighty enemy that threatened to destroy her little body.

Dressing up and face painting, pumpkin patch trips and her Uncle's birthday party on Hallowe'en, were some of the fun things Chandra enjoyed in her short life.

She was bright and happy and took all of the hardships of her little life in stride. Chandra's memory lives on in the lives of her sister and cousins. They delight in dressing up the gravesite.

They know that their dear little sister and cousin suffers no more, and helps God to present the beautiful sunsets over the Willamette River.

We appreciate the life lessons that Chandra taught us in her brief time here with us.

We have learned a great deal from her patience, and tolerance of much discomfort and inconvenience.

The death of a grandchild is a grief unlike any other, and we hope that telling our story helps in your personal journey.

As we made arrangements for Chandra's memorial services, we decided to plan for our own final days and beyond. We didn't want to leave that important aspect to our children. It is hard enough to lose a parent or other family member, without having to guess at what their wishes would have been.

We have written a book to help those who need help to talk about painful things, prepare for them and overcome them.

Perhaps our greatest lesson, though, is that we are not in control of our lives on earth, when they end or how.

The best news is that, even in the death of a grandchild, we can know the Father who created us and who sees the big picture! We can trust Him with our tomorrows.

So plan what you can, do what you can do, and trust God to work His perfect plan in your life.

"God comforts us not to make us comfortable but to make us comforters."

If you have suffered the death of a grandchild or any other loss, please join our Comfort Circle and receive Comfort Lines free of charge.