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Grief and Bereavement ResourcesWelcome to our grief resource pages. My own grief and loss experiences have increased my compassion and empathy for the clients in my private practice. I realize that many of you do not have the opportunity to see a mental health professional in person when you are suffering from a loss. So, I have created this site to comfort you in your time of crisis. We are here for your support when you don't have someone to hold your hand. Hopefully, your healing will be enhanced by your visit here. We are here to tell you that you are not alone. This journey can be isolating, and it is so important to know that much of what you are going through is normal. You will recognize many of the feelings you are experiencing, find that they are normal grief reactions, and be reassured that they will pass. As you visit this site, our prayer is that you will find comfort, healing and peace for your spirit, and the o for pportunity for a new life in the Lord Jesus Christ. My Brush With Breast CancerGrief was fresh in my mind and heart in early 2003, as I was recovering from the death of my granddaughter, I was called back to repeat my annual mammogram.The radiologist said there was just 'something' she still wanted to get a better look at. I felt numb. Later I recognized this as one of the symptoms of grief. A Crisis of FaithI tried to ignore the feelings of depression, and pessimism. I prayed and claimed the promises of scripture as I had been taught.I tried to 'have faith' and believe in a positive outcome. I knew others were praying for me, but I just couldn't shake the intuitive notion that this was it, the big "C". Then came the waiting for the special stereotactic biopsy, and when that failed, the wait for the surgical biopsy. The worst part of it all was not knowing. If I could just know what the future held, I could plan and deal with it. If I was going to die, just tell me and let me start my grief journey. (I always think it is best to plan for the worst case scenario, then you are pleasantly surprised by anything short of that!) At first it was waiting for the biopsy reports. Those three days between the biopsy and the pathology report were intense. I prayed for healing, but I also knew that God doesn't always heal in ways we expect. (I now know that He can indeed use our suffering to bring about big changes that might be needed in our lives!) It was hard to deny my fears. It was hard to talk about them too!! I didn't know whether to prepare my granddaughters to say goodbye to me, or to believe that the results would come back 'negative'.I wanted to appear hopeful and 'victorious' for those around me, but I found myself wondering how my loved ones would do with me gone, what would happen to my practice, and how would I prepare myself and my loved family for my death. It all seemed so overwhelming! The Bad News FirstMy surgeon was in the operating room the day I was supposed to get my results, and I was really distressed that I would have to wait another day. But bless her heart, she called me late in the day and gave me the news.I put my 'nurse cap' on and carefully took down all of the details. It was cancer, invasive ductal type, less that 2 cm, (I later learned that was significant). We would have to do a lymph node biopsy to see if it was still limited to the tissue she had removed. If the lymph nodes were clear, it would mean seven weeks of radiation therapy and five years of an anti-estrogen drug. If not, there would be more extensive lymph node removal and definitely chemotherapy. Now for the Good NewsThe other markers were favorable, clear margins, no angiolymphatic invasion (big medical words for "it hasn't spread to the blood or lymph systems")."HER2Neu (a genetic marker) negative" and estrogen-progesterone receptor positive (a good thing!), but the lymph node involvement (or not) would determine where we would go from here.Another wait. The Hatching of a PlanSo I worked out a plan. I wasn't going to die, at least not from breast cancer, not immediately. I would leave the grief experience for now and concentrate on my plan.I would have another minor surgery, and then at least radiation therapy for seven weeks.
If the nodes were positive, I would have chemotherapy first. (I desperately needed a permanent, but there was no way I was going to spend money on one if I was going to lose all my hair with chemo!!) We control the things we can, and that was one thing I had control over!! I knew I might get tired from the radiation, so I arranged to work more, but shorter days, and waited for the biopsy. I knew that if the nodes were positive I would no doubt need chemo, and then I might not be able to work as much, but I didn't worry much about that. Intuitively I felt that the news would be good this time, and it was. No lymph node involvement! No chemotherapy. And I would wait a few weeks before starting radiation. I felt I was truly blessed to 'get away with' just radiation! Breast Cancer Visits Close to HomeWithin a few months of my end of treatment, my best friend's sister was diagnosed with inflammatory breast cancer. I like to think that my experience made my friend's choices easier as she went through the next several months sharing her grief and supporting her sister.About the same time, one of our office staff was diagnosed with breast cancer, went through surgery, chemotherapy, and radiation. It was a long haul for her, and once again, my own experience helped me to be more sensitive to her needs. Between my friend and I, we were able to walk her through some of the choices and challenges she faced. My friend faced many painful moments as she watched her sister fight a losing battle against a powerful disease. As the end grew near, she was in Oklahoma at her sister's bedside. I spoke with her briefly, asked her how she was doing, and she asked me, "I need to know how to make lemonade". At first, I didn't get what she was talking about. Later I remembered a conversation we had had earlier, about facing difficult situations. So I wrote the "Lemonade Prescription" for these courageous women and here I share it with all of you who have faced or will face adversity in your lives. The Lemonade PrescriptionYou have no doubt heard the advice: “If life gives you lemons, make lemonade”.As we apply this little saying to the experience of grief, it goes something like this: If you've never had lemons, how would you know how to make lemonade? It can't be made without them. So, it would seem reasonable to provide a recipe for lemonade, along with the necessary ingredients, equipment, etc. for those who are facing a lemon harvest for the first time. Some Important Points: There are no substitutes for sour, tart fresh lemons. You will not perfect the recipe from watching someone else make lemonade. You cannot make lemonade from half squeezed lemons someone else has already squeezed the life out of. You must have an ingredient to neutralize the distaste, tartness (and, at times, bitterness) of the lemon to make it palatable, and indeed pleasant. The sweetener must be genuine, consistent and dependable over time. While artificial sweeteners are available, the real thing is what you want if your lemons are really fresh and tart. Other ingredients include a coolant, and, for the most tasty and attractive product, color. My Favorite RecipeLemons: choose the most painful grief experiences of your lifeSweetener: choose God, (His love and peace, comfort and sustaining power are the ultimate in grief relief!); (substitutes will give only partial results) Ice: the presence of friends, family who allow you to be who you are, and are not afraid to share the pain of your grief (usually those who have a history of successful lemonade making behind them) Color: the Hope of the Resurrection, the knowledge that we can do all things through Christ and the model of others who have gone before, with the life purpose of lemonade-making from the lemons of grief and loss. It is not the container that makes the lemonade. Your container may be misshapen, cracked, or discolored and it may seem that it will never again be perfectly clear, flawless crystal. However in time, the richness and sweetness of your lemonade will prevail, and your container will pour out its quality product for all to taste and know it can be done!
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